Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Guilt

Yesterday my husband delivered Girl Scout cookies to my grandparents and came back with a beautiful ivy with rose-colored accents in a beautiful pot. I asked who it was from and what it was for since the husband never comes bearing non-rose floral gifts. Turns out it was for me, from my grandparents, because of the health issues.

I should be taking care of them and sending them gifts, not the other way around. They're in poor health. I can't shop, how can they? I've planned to go over for several weeks now and couldn't, first because the kids had respiratory illnesses and we couldn't put my grandfather at risk, then because I couldn't sit up long. I couldn't even make it to my daughter's Girl Scout meeting last night. I had to lie down, had to.

My grandfather's at the end stages of his illness, of his life. His doctor spent some time talking to them about it recently in a very kind and compassionate way. I want to spend more time with them, though I have difficulty sitting in the kitchen, where seating is most comfortable for my grandfather. I also can't get my scooter into their house. I'm feeling frustrated not to be able to spend more time there, especially as there is not much time left.

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