Thursday, April 3, 2008

Second thoughts

Well, that was melodramatic (yesterday's post). I may go back and edit later.

I'm still feeling lots of doubts about spine surgery *even though I can't sit up.* I was flagging by 1:30 today. I truly don't want to go get a second opinion, and yet I keep thinking I'm not going to feel secure unless I get one. The odd situation is that if another surgeon or two disagree, who's to say the alternate opinion would be more correct? I'd still have to make a decision, or make a decision about whose way of doing the procedure is best. Even for the artificial disc, two doctors follow completely different guidelines for recovery. One encourages some slow activity even early on, though bracing is required, while the other requires complete rest for a month or more to allow fusion to take place. I may be in the latter category anyway because the fragility of my bone makes getting the fusion to take place much more challenging. I don't see an alternative at a certain point--but what do they do when the fusion or replacement disc doesn't hold? Do your bones just inevitably collapse onto themselves, with nothing to be done about it? I can't see any alternative.

This whole issue is making me neurotic. I don't like that when I felt settled about it.

The neurologist saw me bright and early in the morning, when I could walk into the building on my own. The spine doctor last saw me late afternoon, when I have to lie down to wait. The neurologist also questioned my genetic diagnoses, asking who had diagnosed them and why they would suspect that. No one else has done that, though I recognize that doctors often do disagree on diagnoses. I think maybe checking off so much on my medical history was a bad thing to do. And she didn't get that I was worse after the epidural. Despite her nice demeanor, I'm feeling more and more negative about her.

In other news, my seven-year-old signed himself up for a gmail account, so apparently we're not quite as vigilant as we thought we were, and he broke some rules, though it looks like he's not emailed anyone. I am not sure how he even knows about gmail.


Anonymous said...

heeheh, maybe he and Moomin can email each other. 8-)

FridaWrites said...

He would love that! I don't mind him being on the computer, I just don't want him talking with adult strangers. He knows if he's got to ask for our credit card or zip code that he's crossing a line.