Thursday, August 7, 2008

Harassment from "Anonymous"

In the inbox:
"As a male I don't allow any females
to do ANY kind of personal care to
me. I've had 5 experiences whereby
the nurses (female) were unprofessional. You want people to
feel sorry for you, I won't. Try
going through what you have as a
male patient, then lets see what
you have to say. In my oponion,all
female nurses are pervs!"

What kind of person are you to ever wish the harm or violation of another person? I wouldn't wish that all men had to dress as women and subject themselves multiple times to the now retired suburban gynecologist whom young women refer to as “Lester the Molester” and “the veterinarian,” nor do I wish people to be sexually assaulted in the hospitals during nonprocedural contexts to understand that’s wrong. Nor do I stereotype groups of doctors and health care professionals for the harm that others have to to me or others. You make a sexist comment drawn on a limited sample size. Karma can be a bad thing, and you shouldn’t wish to inflict harm on others. That makes your heart no better than the hearts of those nurses you write of.

No, I don’t want other people to feel sorry for me. I want social change and I want social justice, and nothing irks me more than the pity some people inappropriately express. As I stated in my post, my experiences are representative of what other people experience, indicating that there needs to be change (i.e., it’s not about me, but a big problem that affects many people, thus my warning to parents). I have written many times in this blog that I write of individual experiences to release them and go about my daily life and also to address important disability issues and participate in the disability community. Learning of other people’s similar experiences indicates a need for many changes and it prevents a sense of isolation (again, creating community).

It’s not healthy to self-victimize or to compete for attention. You’re doing what the psychologists call “projection” and actually want people to feel sorry for you and to draw attention to yourself. I said I was sorry about your experiences and that no one should be violated; how you could possibly conceive of this as opposition to you rather than empathy is beyond me. Life isn’t a competition to see who has it worse. It doesn’t matter who has it worse. What’s wrong is wrong. It’s not a competition. I don’t compete in this way.

I don’t take kindly to even the slightest implications that I or anyone else should be harmed in any way. Any further comments in this regard will be taken as a threat and treated accordingly. Couching an attack in anonymity is cowardice. I expect this from the ableds. I expect better from people in the disability community.

PS. The nurses for my last two surgical procedures were male. There were no women present. Don't assume. And you think the abuse of men is worse than the abuse of women? Again, it's not a competition.


D Phoenix said...

I really like your response to the anonymous poster. I agree that it's not an oppression competition and that you clearly talk about wanting systemic change.You aren't one to make broad generalizations, instead, you make clear connections and keenly observe systemic problems.

I also have empathy for this fellow and his bad experiences with nurses. Would that he had empathy for you. I don't see his comment as threatening but I do see it as being very bitter and closed off.

Your blog about patient modesty was really insightful and full of useful information. I appreciate how you work for connection and community.

FridaWrites said...

Thanks, Donimo, you're always a dear.

I have empathy for his experiences too. Yeah, it's not directly threatening, it just felt psychologically threatening to suggest someone else endure the same thing.

While I often do blog about personal experience (my disability experiences are mostly limited to that), I hope never to get on the whiny side--even when life is draggy, I try to inject humor into the situation.