Saturday, September 20, 2008

An Element of Blank

Pain has an element of blank;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there were
A day when it was not.

It has no future but itself,
Its infinite realms contain
Its past, enlightened to perceive
New periods of pain.

--Emily Dickinson


D Phoenix said...

This is very poignant and true. Emily knew how to distill things, didn't she? Have you ever read Virginia Woolf's "On Being Ill"? She talks about well people being "the army of the upright." She sometimes was a bit obscure in her novels, but this short book is very sharp and clear.

I'm sad that this poem resonates for both of us. I hope that your pain isn't worse today.

FridaWrites said...

No, it isn't worse today, but it just still is. It is and it's timeless and sometimes all I can really do is be in the moment, in pain, not doing much else.

I haven't read that Woolf book--I will definitely have to. Glad it resonates, but hope you feel better soon too.

Elizabeth McClung said...

I have been reading your blog but not knowing what to say, and then I realized how many people said that on my blog but commented anyway, and how much I appreciated that.

Pain and grief are a combo cocktail aren't they. Yes, Pain is, pain is a very, it is a state of being, it is like the universe and merely resides. This is pain and I am sorry that you are feeling it and glad that you are articulating it. Sometimes I rage, sometimes I accept, too often I think I quietly accept that I and pain are one when actually it is not me, not a part of me naturally, and while I will tolerate it, it really should start acting like a guest and less like a mother in law.

See, I told you I didn't know what to say. the thing with the knees sucks, big time. The accessible at the school, an issue many can relate to. I think you have a voice and will keep using it because it does seem to represent what others have experienced. Oh dear, now you are an activist AND a representative for those who cannot or are to exhausted to speak (the kind of jobs that aren't even thrust upon you, but you simply wake up with and go, "Wha?").

FridaWrites said...

Well, I think it is often difficult for any of us to know what to say about pain or illness. I'm doing okay, a wee bit concerned about the joint problems beyond the pain level (range of motion, for example) but okay.

I think I know why doctors don't often tell patients anything about prognosis. In some ways I feel like I've given up on myself this week--it wasn't the rheum's intention for me to see it but was supposed to have been sent directly to the internist that really is a necessary update. Another oops. And I think that is the best place for me to be, because I like to focus on possibilities not probabilities.

Thank you--I will keep speaking up for others. At the school book fair, I pointed out how people were letting everyone go in front of a woman with an intellectual disability--they couldn't see her as actually wanting to buy a book.