I feel like upset welling up, though I can't cry and I can't even express what's bothering me. Is it the pain, the not getting things done, the social issue of disability?
Have I overcome my own discomfort with use of adaptive equipment? Not really. Of course people see the equipment. Sometimes I wish more of them could see me rather than shove past me, run into me when there's plenty of room, crowd me when there is more than enough space. I'm tired of having to assert myself so much, tired of it. For goodness' sake, I don't want a large nine-year old attempting to climb over my body, using the platform of my scooter and me, rather than walking around me by one step. More aggravating when adults do it.
I think maybe I'm just missing my old life, readjusting. The work, the friends, getting out. I don't feel comfortable with "grieving" anything. I prefer self acceptance, acceptance of disability from me as well as others.
Such are the times abled people would rather not think about. The quality of my life doesn't go down from using a scooter or from needing some more time at home, more rest, more accommodations. At what point does it go down, and does temporarily "down" reinforce other's disablism, that our lives really are less in some way?