My heart/blood pressure issues were so much better for so long. And then I very nearly passed out last night, had to call my in-laws over. I'd let the pain get out of hand again. I just live with it. It's difficult for me to focus or rest when it's that high. It still hurts today, and though I want out, my body says no, bad idea. I feel so anti-intellectual, not my intent, but my state. I had thought I was over that, the heart/bp, not the not-smartness. Apparently not.
I went to a seminar on Saturday for people with whom I share a common disability. It was nice to be among others with the same issues. I wish there were more disability awareness among the group because I think that would help people cope a lot more and accept themselves. I was very careful about how I projected my own energies, as I was the only scooter user there (in discussion, I realized there were others who use them for distance but didn't bring them in). I wanted to make sure I was positive, suggesting it's okay to be me, it's okay to use my scooter when I need it. One woman was worrying about what would happen to her son someday, whether...and she silenced herself. There were a lot of people with difficulty walking and using canes, and a couple of people who had to go lie down partway through. I felt like I was in a roomful of "me"'s. There was some good information there, and I'll stay in touch with some of the other people to share information and tips.
Part of me wanted to say, "get a grip" to some people, that it's not fatal and you are blessed not to be dealing with a more difficult, life-threatening disability or health problem. You can live with very severe chronic pain. Many do. I know people are grieving life changes though or are confused about what they are facing. Again, disability awareness and self acceptance would help a great deal.