Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Wheelchair Smackdown: The Dream

I'm in extreme pain from hitting some hard parking lot potholes in my scooter today that should have been fixed, definitely not ADA compliant. A car could handle it, but even the big scooter, hell no, and no way around it. I couldn't figure out why the severe extra pain when I ate at friends' house today--at their home, comfortably, I shouldn't have had extra pain. So extra pain meds and a nap because the fatigue with it was so severe. These things rattle my bones and muscles too much.

Anyway, I had an extended strange dream probably resulting from the stresses of being out in the world on a wheelchair. In one part, I was trying to get to a doctor's office for an urgent issue--there was but one curb cut, and a store in the same strip had put out a row of signs and potted plants so that I couldn't steer past and get to where I needed to go. This actually is not an unusual occurrence, though the typical offender is something like a wayward chair at an outdoor cafe and no one around to retrieve it, a large sandwich board, sales racks or tables.

In another part of the dream, some mean woman I'll call wheelchair bitch got in my chair when I left it momentarily to open a door and ask for assistance. Then wheelchair bitch wouldn't get out when I turned around but twirled gleefully on my swivel seat. Somehow in the dream I had the physical strength to snatch her up and smack her to the ground and wheel away. My husband worried she was hurt, but I said, "nah, she's faking it." Sure enough she kept popping up everywhere because it turns out she wasn't wheelchair bitch but wheelchair demon. I'm pretty sure this section of the dream was sponsored by suppressed anger. A couple of parents on the volleyball team, were making fun of the way I was sitting last night, I guess not realizing their voices are perfectly acoustically channeled down from the top bleacher to everyone. So I'm sure everyone else thinks highly of them now (sarcasm, there's a line and I think most people get it). (My hands were braced just under my knees because of pain--"she looks like she doesn't have any arms when she sits like that"--then legs up on the riser behind because I got prodromal and truly almost passed out from pain, world started seeming weirdly far away/out of perspective, it's been a while.)

And then in the dream I went to my old ballet class in my scooter and was trying to figure out how to park myself along the wall where everyone leaves their stuff. That was sponsored by actually trying out dancing in my scooter. I found out I can do this, but it's frustrating that I can't "hop" forward in little bursts--sometime I should see if the dealer can change the reactiveness so there's not so much delay. I don't have slow reflexes and it takes forever to get it going sometime. So apparently Grace won't lurch even when I want her to, but proceeds (starts/stops) smoothly.


yanub said...

Hmmm. I think it is a good sign that you are dreaming of yourself and your scooter, even if it is a nightmare. Isn't that supposed to mean that your brain is working through issues that have come up around your scooter use? And that should mean some creative ways of going forward. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this must be a good thing.

FridaWrites said...

I think so too--I think it also means my brain is relaxing from other things I was worried about and that I'm getting enough sleep. Dreams last night were no less weird, though less scooter-y.

Lisa Moon said...

I am not sure I've had my scooter in my dreams yet (vaguely think I might, but apparently not clearly remembered). I have, however, found myself in dreams as I am now: usually walking with a limp. I think I even had my cane in a dream, which both scared and excited me!

I can also vaguely remember fear around my leg in my dreams, which is based on reality, like being on the bus and just getting the typical, gentle brush-by can send my pain skyrocketing... I can remember dreaming of that fear. That fear does NOT help the pain cycle, I'll tell you (which you of course know).

What a couple of small, petty bitches, I'm sorry to say! Seriously! Grown adults commenting on someone with a disability, as though they were ignorant, rude children who need a slap and some lessons? LOL. I joke a little but only partly. ;)

And I agree with Yanub: I do think this might signal some really good progress, working through things, having them turn up in dreams. At least you're not smackin' people down in real life! (must be tempting as it has been for me at times!).

FridaWrites said...

Well, at least one mom got up and physically moved away from them. While they might try to be intimidating, it's just irritating and childish. I felt more anger in my dream than I've been feeling, and I think that was good to release that some.

I increasingly have dreams on my scooter, indicating it's pretty integrated with my life. I knew I was ready for one when I started dreaming of being in a wheelchair and being able to move pain-free.