Warning--skip this rambling rant if illogical rants get to you. I feel like I am about to drop into an abyss right now. Family members' ostracism of a cousin is bringing back bad memories of my own experience of being "disowned" for getting engaged (family truly believed my sister and I were property) and the aftermath of being excluded until the past few years. I reached out to her to offer a listening ear, others found out about it, and now they're all infuriated with me. I guess because I'm not picking on her like a fish ripping the fins off the unchosen one in the aquarium. My sister and I were abused as kids and I can barely talk about it. But a big "fuck you" to Frida for being nice to her, to someone who was badly abused as a child, kicked out as soon as she turned 18, and had so few skills that she had to live out of cars and steal to survive and feed her babies (could not survive on minimum wage alone).
People took my mother aside today, talked shit about me, and told her to call me so that I could be told what I needed to think. Yeah, Frida, rip people's fins off like everyone else! No, my mom didn't participate as they expected and instructed.
I'm upset everyone's bothered my grandmother with all this crap (let's call it what it is) right now. This is not a good idea since she had a mental breakdown and had to be hospitalized after her mother died and I don't think things are going well. My grandmother has, though, continued to participate in the shunning of this cousin. I'm tired of people's racism, prejudice, unfairness to each other, gossip, and just plain negativity. No one seems to have anything positive to say about any family member (and yes, I fully understand the irony that I'm complaining right now). If people are there at their house, they're annoyed. If they're not there, they're also annoyed about that. They're nice to church people and visitors but let themselves get so exhausted by that they take it out on everyone else. Whether you're helping or not helping, you're just wrong, wrong, wrong. There's just no way to win. It's your responsibility to call and others shouldn't have to call you to help, but call to help and you're interfering and taking up others' time. They're gossiping about my mother to me. Oh, no, she has to work (she and my dad are barely keeping a roof over their heads). They're gossiping about my great-uncle to me (oh no, he's there for them). About my sister. I just feel sick about it. I don't respond to it. But I feel sickened by it.
They're using my developmentally disabled uncle like a pawn.
My husband's upset with me because I can't "put out" twice weekly because of extreme pain right now and I'm ready to say to hell with it at all and move with the kids to my sisters' (this arrangement has been agreed on by everyone already--no illegal moving across state lines with kids). I am stressed out enough to feel like I can't unwind at all. I feel sick at my stomach. He's been emailing my friends. Nothing else that I do matters if I can't meet that one need, which he can't meet himself. I feel reduced to a biological function. He's saying I shouldn't have gone to the gardens this weekend because I can't meet my "responsibility." This is not an atypical argument for us. I think this verges on abusive but hey, I'm just one opinion that doesn't count for anything anyway. As a near autistic himself, he's always been lacking in the empathy/other points-of-view department. Like why my friend might want me to get her a birthday present for her birthday party.
Two of my son's three teachers have not been responding to phone calls and emails with brief questions that we desperately need the answers to. One gave him a behavior mark because we turned a signed paper into his weekly signed-papers folder rather than his homework folder (no specific instructions were given for how to return it). Other crap crap crap with them. I have not done anything to them or said anything rude to them.
I can't get my own crap done.
I hate my goddamned life.